10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Monday, December 31, 2012

I wish I was as smart as Fry!

The Auteur Collection

Saturday, December 29, 2012

The Auteur Collection by Warby Parker is a dream.


Friday, December 21, 2012


Did we survive the apocalypse? The end of the world? The end of humanity, mankind, earth, existence. Blackness. Darkness. Blankness. Emptiness. Nothingness. Oh phew, we're still here. Okay, let's just keep living without further interruptions, thanks!

Somebody That I Used To Know

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

For the longest time I didn't understand why this song was so popular. I kept hearing about this new song called Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye. What was the big deal? Then I finally listened to it and I still didn't know what the big deal was? I added that album to my Spotify and then I started to listen to the album, or at least the first few songs. But today, all of a sudden for no reason, I decided to play the song and then I was really listening to the lyrics and finally realized what the song was about! Where the hell was I? I never really thought twice about the title and I never tried to listen to the lyrics... And now I know. Now I know.

This song is beautiful and hauntingly honest. Fortunately for me, I have made the conscious decision to not deal with this or rather not invite another opportunity into my life, just to feel this exact way again. I don't want to know someday I used to know. I think this song was able to address something that we all think about past relationships and it was presented in such a beautiful song and music video. Strangely enough, this was an issue I attempted to address in my first draft of Shyness. I tried to discuss it via one of my characters, I didn't express it successfully or eloquently, so I'll just have to wait - it will have to wait. But for now, I'll just have to play this song on repeat. Thank you.

Gotye stated that the song was "definitely drawn from various experiences I've had in relationships breaking up, and in the parts of the more reflective parts of the song, in the aftermath and the memory of those different relationships and what they were and how they broke up and what's going on in everyone's minds. Yeah, so it's an amalgam of different feelings but not completely made up as such".[12] In an interview with Rolling Stone (Australia), he described the song as "a curated reflection of multiple past relationships", but revealed the chorus was directly related to one ex-girlfriend "it wasn't a nasty break-up, but it was messy in the sense that we hurt each other more than we needed to because it wasn't a clean break ... We both realized we had to move on and we haven't seen each other since".[13]

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness  
Like resignation to the end, always the end 
So when we found that we could not make sense  
Well you said that we would still be friends  
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing 
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know 

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

Goran Ivanisevic

Friday, July 27, 2012

watp crazy

(This is long overdue, my apologies, boys!)

I've been in love with this amazing band called We Are The Physics since April 2007. Admittedly, I only discovered this band via 30 Seconds To Mars. And whilst my love for 30 Seconds To Mars faded rapidly, my obsession with We Are The Physics grew and blossomed into a frenzy, a crazy, music stalking phase. It was short-lived, due to my relocating to San Francisco in August 2007. After five years, I'm still in love with their music and aesthetic and I'm still waiting eagerly for the day they tour in the U.S.

The funny thing is I never understood or enjoyed Physics in school, because it was too abstract and theoretical for my underachiever mind back then. And now? Well, I'm incredibly fascinating by physics: theoretical, experimental, cosmological, expanding to philosophical, etc. I'm currently reading A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawkings, I love The Big Bang Theory, I want to get a tattoo inspired by the paradoxical theory of Schrödinger's cat.

Not only are they (Michael! Michael! Michael! Chris!) super talented and amazing performers, they are incredibly funny and down-to-earth and friendly! I can't wait till the day I see them again! But for now, I'll watch this music video on repeat. Enjoy!

Everything is really falling into place. I love physics! And I love tennis! I love We Are The Physics!

Website / Facebook / SoundCloud / Twitter

I try, I fail
I fail, I try
To fail is art
To art is fail
I try, I fail

The past speaks volumes, volumes that we’ll never read
It’s safe, safe to say, safe to say we’ll never breed
Self-belief is not something we like to feed
We like to feed, yeah, we like defeat

The past, well, it says less to us
Less than vacuous tongues that lap, lapping safely
Pressing faded marks into global crotches, yeah, global crotches
This transitory stain that disappears again

Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like him
Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like
Goran Ivanisevic

They try to shape you, twist and contort you
Skeleton keys are much more reliable
Chip, chip away at you, chip, chip away at you
They try to shape you, twist and contort you
Skeleton keys are much more reliable
Chip, chip away at you, chip chip chip away at you
You’re growing tits like Alan Turing

Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like him
Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like
Goran Ivanisevic

He tried, he failed
He failed, he tried

Goran Ivanisevic, it’s time, I think, to make that switch
No masquerade in self-belief, Goran Ivanisevic
Goran Ivansisevic, you tried and failed, iconoclastic!
No masquerade for self-belief, Goran Ivanisevic

Delusion Angel

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

pink sky

daydream delusion
limousine eyelash
oh baby with your pretty face
drop a tear in my wineglass
look at those big eyes on your face
see what you mean to me
sweet cakes and milk shakes
I'm a delusion angel
I'm a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
don't want you to guess anymore
you have no idea where I came from
we have no idea where we're going
lodged in life like branches in a river
flowing downstream
caught in the current
I'll carry you you carry me
that's how it could be
don't you know me
don't you know me by now

Delusion Angel, written for the film by the poet David Jewell

photo credit: nina leigh

Nazca Lines

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

nazca lines
A few weeks ago, I started a new Tumblr blog called Creativist Manifesto, which will be dedicated to sharing my thoughts and opinions on art history (one of my favorite conversation subjects). I took my first liberal arts art history class in Fall 2008 and after my first day... I was hooked. Completely, utterly, hopelessly in love with art and art history. Now I feel the need to openly discuss and remind myself about art and history.

Please note: I am not trying to impose my point of view on anyone. I love art as a subject, but I wouldn't consider myself an art historian, just an enthusiast. All my opinions and knowledge are from class, going to museums and reading art books.

I had every intention of writing about my new favorite Matisse painting The Pink Studio, but I just had a very intense and fascinating conversation with my friend Mary from my boarding school days. We were talking about Norse and Greek mythologies, art history, English and Russian literature and other fascinating subjects and then I started talking about Earth Art and then it led me to tell her about the Nazca Lines in Peru. I suddenly felt the urge to talk about the Nazca Lines and somewhat defend the wondrous glory and mystery of this magnificently large scale earth art. And simultaneously defending the majestic Stonehenge (more on that later).

I never thought that I would be interested in Earth Art, since it’s not a traditional form of art. Since earth art didn’t have a commercial intention, I somewhat felt lost behind the concept behind earth art - until I studied it in my Topics in World Art class in Spring of 2010. After that class, I realized that earth art was a rebellion against the artificiality, plastic aesthetic and commercialization of art. Since earth art cannot be presented in a museum or gallery environment, one has to go into the land and experience the art harmoniously in a new environment. This also ties into the ephemeral aspect of earth art - life is fleeting - art is temporary - life is temporary.

I finally realized how much I appreciated earth art after this class. Certain works really impressed and intrigued me, most notably: Spiral Jetty in Utah, Nazca Lines in Peru, Vietnam Veterans Memorial by Maya Lin in Washington D.C., etc. I want to learn more and expand my knowledge on this subject, since it seems like a much more obscure art movement.

I personally feel the need to defend and glorify Stonehenge and its mysterious grandeur! I can see why some people view it as “a pile of stones”, but it frustrates me since some people don’t realize each pillar weighs like 20 tons. Some modern technology would have difficulty lifting that kind of weight! How did ancient man lift and carry those stones from 16 miles west of Wiltshire. This landmark was assembled in the Neolithic Period. Archaeologists believe this monument was constructed anywhere from 3000 to 2000 B.C. Please explain to me how an ancient man, who probably didn’t eat copiously and weighed 120 pounds, would be able to carry these stones. And even if they had invented and constructed contraptions to transport the stones - how would they lift them?

The Stonehenge bewilders me and now this post has become about the Stonehenge! I wanted to discuss the glory of the Nazca Lines in Southern Peru. These large scale earth works predate back to 400 to 650 AD, but they were only discovered in 1927 by Peruvian archaeologist Toribio Mejia Xesspe. If we didn’t have the modern technology till the late 1920s to discover the Nazca Lines - how were these Nazca Lines created in the first place? How were they designed for such a large scale and then created without people discovering it for hundreds of years later? It frightens me a little. These monumentally larger than life earth works create this feeling of wonderment and it makes me feel so small and insignificant - the same way I feel every time I see a photo of a nebula or any space photography.

We are so small and almost insignificant compared to the vastness of the universe. The universe is constantly expanding and our lifetime is so short and fleeting. Life will soon be over and this tumblr will become non existent. These words will become pointless and meaningless, but I will try my best nevertheless. Which reminds me, I’ve been reading A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. It is utterly enjoyable and educational with a very insightful and readable history and science behind the origins of the universe and how we’re here. I think I’m getting closer and closer to finding my purpose in life and really enjoying every moment of life, including the bad and the ugly. I love the good and I embrace the very good, but sometimes life needs the bad and the ugly or else we don’t know how to appreciate the good.

Let me finish this discussion with my all-time favorite monologue from American Beauty by Lester Burnham, Kevin Spacey’s character, for which he won his first Academy Award for Best Leading Actor.

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time… For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars… And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street… Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper… And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird… And Janie… And Janie… And… Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.

We have one chance to live. Let’s learn about our world and the great minds that have contributed to making the world a beautiful place.

More on Nazca Lines.

Compromising Me

Monday, June 25, 2012

I know you’re gonna say I’m not cool enough.
Tell all your friends I screwed it up.
I could give two shits, just let me breathe.

I don’t care what you’re saying about me,
No, I don’t care.
I don’t care what you think about me,
No, I don’t care.
I can’t let you be this constant
Compromising me.

This is how I feel as: a human being, a friend, a lover, a daughter, a co-worker, a filmmaker, a writer... a woman. A woman is a woman. I shouldn't have to compromise myself. I am who I am. I love myself. I respect myself. Thank you William Beckett for reminding me.

De Roma con Amor

Friday, June 22, 2012

to rome with love (2012)

To Rome With Love has made me fall even more hopelessly in love with Rome and Italian culture and history. I would drop everything in New York to live in Rome. Okay, maybe that's not true, since I have a lot going on in New York and truthfully, I do love New York. But Rome is seriously such a beautiful city with a rich and romantic (and tragic) history. I would spend a summer there if I could afford it. So I've decided I'm going to learn Italian this summer with the aid of Rosetta Stone. I've always wanted to speak French, but I think right now I would pick Italian over French. I'm really leaning towards Italian though. I can't decide if I love French or Italian cuisine more! If I had to pick between Paris and Rome... I think I'd spend eternity trying to pick one over the other.

I was pleasantly surprised by the movie and by a few people's performances. I was mostly skeptical about Ellen Page and Jesse Eisenberg (even though he seems like such a predictable choice, young and neurotic), but I was impressed! I thought that the humor was spot on - classic Woody! I thought the four vignettes played together beautifully and I enjoyed every character's stories. I personally think it was a very meaningful story with very obvious underlying messages about love, infidelity, life, fame, but it was done in such a humorous and lighthearted way. I think To Rome With Love may be one of my favorite contemporary Woody films. I know that's such a bold statement, but for me, that's how I feel. Also I got to enjoy this experience with my new friend Laksmi - which reminds me I have to write a post about that!

I hope everyone will enjoy the film as much as I did. I want to watch it again and just try to notice other aspects of the film. I read some awful reviews on IMDb and complaints about the commercial production of Italian films and how crappy they are and how apparently you could see the boom in all of the shots! Right! I totally did not notice it at all, since I was so absorbed by the film and the hilarity! Seriously if you enjoy a film that much, it doesn't matter how "shitty" the production is. No joke. Please watch To Rome With Love now and fall in love with Rome. Ciao!

to rome with laksmi


Monday, June 18, 2012

OK Go, you guys are nuts! It's amazing how inspiring and innovative you are. This music video completely blew me away!

Fancy Food Friday #2

Friday, June 15, 2012

pomodoro pasta Date: Friday, June 15th, 2012
Fellow Foodie: Therese Whelan
Restaurant: Pomodoro Rosso
Neighborhood: Upper West Side
Cuisine: Italian
Grand Total: $67.51 + tip

Fancy Food Friday No. 2 was another success. In fact, the entire day was a hugely successful and inspirational day. Where to even begin? Well, the first part of the day was a fail on my part, since I was running late to meet my new friend Laksmi. I met her when she was our lovely server at Cafe Gitane (on Mott St.) - it's a long story for another time (trust me, it deserves its own post). So Laksmi and I met up at Five Leaves in Greenpoint for a late lunch. We talked and talked and talked over a kale salad and Arnold Palmer (for me) and three hours just flew by. Incidentally, a dragonfly flew by and apparently that's good luck. We had such an inspiring and passionate conversation with topics ranging from relationships to movies to ambitions to sex. Considering we just met twice briefly two weeks ago, it was a very open dialogue.

I didn't want to part with the girl, but we both had other engagements for the evening. We parted ways at Union Square, where I continued on the L to 6th Av and switched to the 2 to 72nd. It took me 30 minutes to get from Bedford and N12th to 72th and Broadway - that's pretty impressive! Express train! I got to Upper West Side a little early and I snapped a few photos with my camera and got myself a new bottle of hand sanitizer. I was in such a good mood. The weather was beautiful and I got to observe the beautiful architecture of the neighborhood. I need to spend more time in the Upper West Side.

Therese joined me in her cute outfit, which she described "this is how Owen Wilson would dress, if he were a girl" or something along those lines. She also wore knee high socks, since we had plans to see Moonrise Kingdom after our Fancy Food Friday dinner. We went to Pomodoro Rosso on Columbus Ave and 71st, since I was craving Italian food. I really wanted to get a wine, but I didn't want to be sleepy during the movie, so I went with my ever favorite Shirley Temple (awww I know), because I'm awesome like that. Most of the time when I order a Shirley Temple, I get the same look... like "awww bless" or "awww you're a loser". Haha, I couldn't care less - I've learned not to care so much about what other people think of me. It's great!

I ordered the Gambino alla Costa jumbo shrimp and diver scallop served over linguine primavera in a sherry lemon sauce and Therese had the Gemelli al Giardino pasta twists with sundried tomatoes, broccoli, portabello mushrooms in a parmesan garlic sauce with a touch of tomato. Therese's Sauvignon Blanc was surprisingly delicious, since it was light and sweet, but I knew I didn't want the wine to potentially affect my movie experience. We talked about movies and my past year working on sets, Therese and her Sisters (Hannah and her Sisters - we both love Woody Allen), we talked about celebrities and being starstruck. I would absolutely feel starstruck if I ever saw or met Mr. Woody Allen.

Dinner was absolutely lovely (I'm abusing the word 'lovely' nowadays). As tradition goes, I whipped out my Fujifilm polaroid camera and asked our server to snap two photos of us - one for her, one for me. Excuse me, I also got a photo with Laksmi at Fives Leaves and boy, do people flip out over the camera? People stopped in the middle of the street to watch the server photograph us with the "unusual looking" camera. It's cute, because it is fascinating. I've had the camera since 2010 now and I have a STACK of polaroids that I NEED to scan asap. After dinner, Therese brought me around the corner to see her old apartment and then we went to Strawberry Fields and by the Bethesda Fountain and we saw fireflies. It was so magical and romantic - I felt so alive and grateful. We snapped a few photos in the dark with our phones and cameras, they were all blurry, but I love them.

We walked to the Lincoln Plaza Cinema for the 10:30 showing of Moonrise Kingdom. Please note I've never been a fan of Wes Anderson - this doesn't mean I don't like his work, it just means I've never gone out of my way to watch a Wes Anderson film. But 94 minutes (94 minutes plus 20 minutes of previews) later, this film changed everything. I've never laughed so much in a really long time and The Dictator does NOT count. Slapstick, low brow, offensive humor can make me laugh, but Moonrise Kingdom was something else. Granted, it was a mixture of high and low brow humor, but it was a very enjoyable film. Admittedly, precocious and monotonous children on film annoy me, but Wes Anderson managed to create these really charming children, who have sad pasts and you want to care about/for them. Sometimes deadpan humor bothers me and only a select few can pull off deadpan and still be super cute and charming - cough cough Zooey Deschanel.

Personally, I loved Moonrise Kingdom and even though it could seem a little gimmicky in terms of the characters, writing, setting, cinematography, production and costume design, well everything - you just have to accept that it's a Wes Anderson film and it's bound to be super stylized. I accepted it and embraced it and fell in love. I would absolutely go into full detail about the film, but I don't want to spoil it for anyone. I'm just so glad that it made me laugh so hard and I really fell in love with the characters and that I got to share it with Therese. Fancy Food Friday was a delight and I really didn't want it to end. We'll see what next Friday brings.

fancy clothes, fancy food, fancy company, fancy life. 

pomodoro food therese fancy food friday no. 2 pomodoro rosso check

I spy with my little eye, to fall is connected to trying.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Mikhael Paskalev is badass. His dance moves are badass. His hair is badass. In awe. Watch the video and be blown away!

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

peony nebula star

“You are both stars, don’t forget it. When the stars exploded billions of years ago, they formed everything that is this world. Everything we know is stardust. So, don’t forget, you are stardust.”  Before Sunrise (1995)

Milestone. An important event, as in a person's career, the history of a nation, or the advancement of knowledge in a field; a turning point. I have survived my first year in New York City and I'm pretty happy with my achievements. Admittedly, I haven't found a full time job, but I'm working on it and more importantly, I'm shooting my first short film Shyness this summer. Although I spent the first few months of 2012 in a rut, I managed to dig myself out of the rut and now I'm in a really good place. We all have our ups and downs and that's what makes life so interesting.

I felt like I was failing, but failing implies that I was trying and for the most part, I didn't feel like I was capable of trying. I just felt so lost and empty. This creative block sucked the inspiration and life out of me and I felt nothing. During those months, I did manage to work on a few movies and shows, so I'm really thankful that despite what I was feeling inside, I still managed to get some work opportunities and met some great people.

I will always remember my first year in New York fondly. The last twelve months have made me realize that I need to kick start my career now. I spent the last few months wallowing and knee deep in a rut and now I feel rejuvenated and ready to push myself. I'm really excited about shooting my short film Shyness this summer. This is the most challenging thing I've ever done in my entire thing and it's only the beginning. I have a lot to do in the next months, but I'm looking forward to being in complete control of my own work. I'm also really looking forward to seeing what I will achieve by the end of 2012. I already have a six month plan, so let's see how driven and motivated I am!

Without further ado, let's take this opportunity to look back on my first year in New York; the memories, adventures, the people I met, the friends I've been lucky enough to make, the job opportunities and experiences, etc. New York, I Love You!

June 10th, 2011: Packed up most of my shit and moved to New York by myself.
June-August: Lived in Flushing for two months.
July: First internship in New York as assistant to independent producer.
July-August: My FIRST feature film opportunity as art intern, credited as set dresser on Revenge for Jolly! - my first IMDb credit!
August: Caro visited New York for the first time!
August: Had to move out, during the shoot, I had to apartment hunt and found a place in Greenpoint and bumped into Inez! Totally serendipitous and meant to be! We tried to meet up, but failed every time and this time we were meant to bump into each other outside An Nhau on Bedford.
August - September: Internship at Virgine/Ground Magazine.
September 12th: Went to the finals at the US Open, saw Djokovic beat Nadal = epic
September: Saw Mr. Bryan Greenberg at The Canal Room with Sasha, went to Fashion's Night Out at Prada in SoHo with Jason, discovered new music Holy Ghost, therefore discovering my new favorite band Jump into the Gospel
September-October: Interned on another feature Sinister, starring Ethan Hawke. Still can't believe I got to intern on a film with Ethan Hawke. Uh Before Sunrise is one of my favorite films ever!
October: Caro visited again! It snowed that weekend in October!
October: Someday.
November: Blog reinvention - someday. by avalonne hall
November: Got the opportunity to be an additional PA on The Dark Knight Rises, thanks to Giuseppe from Sinister. Bumped into Marcus from Jolly! and met Tina and Amy on that shoot.
November: Shy visited for Thanksgiving weekend. Bourgeois Pig. Best fondue ever!
November-December: One of the most stressful periods of my life was working on Me, You and Five Bucks, but it was such an amazing experience and opportunity and I learned so much from being the second assistant director.
December: Had a little Benenden reunion at Joe's Shanghai with Sasha, Izzy, Sophie, Rachel.
December: Read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, after Marissa gave it to me in October! One of the most inspiring books I've read.
December: Started writing Shyness.
January: Moved to Williamsburg, best location ever!
January: Jonalyn visited for a week! Shopped, dined, did the touristy things and watched 2 Broke Girls!
January-May: Existential crisis / slump / rut.
February: Interned on A Case of You for a few days, more importantly, starring Justin Long and Evan Rachel Wood.
February: Inez had a lovely Valentine's Day Pop Up Shop Party to promote and sell her winter turbans! I shot a little video for her and it was perfect!
February: Shot a little promo video for my IndieGoGo Campaign with Inez.
March: Interned at Show of Force briefly, worked as an additional PA on Person of Interest for three days, I got to see their sets at Silvercup Studios and saw Michael Emerson in the flesh! LOSTIE!, watched the episode Many Happy Returns when it aired in May and you can see my blurry silhouette walk across the screen! Pretty badass if you ask me!
March: Sasha's birthday at La Esquina.
April: Easter lunch at Sasha's. Best roast chicken I've ever had! Then we went to Central Park. Perfect Easter.
April: Worked on student feature Newlyweeds as on set dresser.
April: Saw Revenge for Jolly! twice during Tribeca Film Festival! Can you believe it? That's all I'm going to say here. Tried to get rush tickets for 2 Days in New York, but failed every time! But I saw Ethan and Julie in Chelsea the next day. It's a sign... sort of. The film comes out in August.
May: Photo shoot at Brighton Beach for Inez's exclusive turban line. Shot a behind the scenes video! Then Inez and I returned to Brighton Beach to do a photo shoot for the Crossroads Fashion Photo Contest! Fingers crossed!
May: Jump into the Gospel reinvented themselves with a new name HITS. Their new music is amazing! EP coming out on June 26th! Saw William Beckett and Cara Salimando at The Studio at Webster Hall with Inez. This man is too funny.
May: Went to San Francisco and had the most refreshing time ever. "Refreshing" sounds like a funny word to describe a trip, but it was exactly what I needed and wanted. A reunion with the most amazing people ever. Went there for the graduation. This trip is going to get its own post! ∞
May: After I came back from San Francisco, I found out that there is no way I would be able to get rush tickets for Death of a Salesman, which was terribly upsetting, since I knew about the Broadway Revival since last fall. I just procrastinated and I missed out. So I went to the stage door, just to see Mr. Andrew Garfield in the flesh. That's all I needed. I am such a dork.
May: Feeling rejuvenated. Completely out of the rut. Blogging again. New endeavors. Got a new feature film idea! It just feels amazing to be in control again of my thoughts and my mind.
June: I found the actress for my main character! More on that later!
June 8th: First Fancy Food Friday at Maison Premiere with Sasha!
June 10th, 2012: One year! Bought myself a silver infinity necklace. Can't believe I've been in New York for an entire year. So trippy. Had brunch and celebrated at Tipsy Parson with Tina!
June 12th: Had lunch with Amanda at Cafe Gitane! She and Marissa are the loveliest people ever. Coolest sisters in the world. They're going to take over the world!
June 15th: Fancy Food Friday, Central Park, Moonrise Kingdom with Therese!
June 21st: Accompanied Sasha to get her pinky tattoo. Then went to Inwood Shakespeare in the Park for As You Like It and then dessert at Spot!

One year anniversary ∞ 6/10/2011 - 6/10/2012
and in that moment, i swear we were infinite.

boxes view from governor's island caro pink wig us open 9/12/2011 bryan greenberg! kellogg's diner retro ladies at the park retro ladies at the park so retro standard found footage wrap party! inez galvez turban first photo booth session hello world inez photo booth party mini benenden reunion inez and avalonne my5 production office my5 wrap party before evil eye bracelet buddies 2012 photo booth still moving = infinity graffiti empire state building 6 shirlene and me sasha's birthday person of interest screenshot jolly credits HITS fancy food friday fellow foodie: sasha fancy food friday no. 2 inwood park shyness
image source: peony nebula star settles for silver medal, nasa.gov

The Perks of Being an Open Book

Saturday, June 9, 2012

and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

When I was sixteen, my head was in the clouds for days on end. I was somewhat of an "enigma" (yes I'm calling myself an enigma / I have been told in the past that I'm hard to read and a bit of an enigma or rather I was described as "mysterious"), if you ask me. Because I didn't express myself very much. I didn't voice my opinions either. Maybe it was because I was still young and I had opinions, but didn't know how to articulate them. I just remember that I thought a lot about my future, my goals and interests in life, but I was also going through some teenage angst, which made me inexcusably ungrateful and pathetic. Yes, I can say that I was pretty pathetic. On top of that, I was an academic underachiever - which made everything worse. But it's all in the past and I have definitely grown up a lot in the last eight years - I almost feel like I'm a different person, but in a really good way.

I'm writing this post because I somewhat feel the need to explain, but at the same time, I don't owe anyone any explanation about my openness and how shamelessly uncensored my writing is. In a way, I want to explain, because it might offer you a better understanding of my intentions and thought process, but at the same time, I think everyone has their own reasons and it's their own prerogative to do whatever they want, since the internet gives us this platform to do so.

Since I use to be a closed book, I still would write them, but those thoughts remained private for years. It was to preserve those adolescent ideas of the world and to protect myself from potential ridicule and scrutiny. But having kept those thoughts to myself, I was able to begin to develop and expand my learned ideas of life and the world. It allowed myself the chance to become rather heightened in terms of my observation of people around me. I guess this made me the writer I am.

I guess I started to really open up for the first time in 2007, when I moved to London. I went through this transitional and drastic change in environment, therefore, it made me feel the need to write openly about my emotions and observations. It felt liberating to openly discuss my melancholy state of nostalgia. From then on, I started to write very openly and in detail, whilst keeping names anonymous, and staying very true to describing my emotions. In 2008, I experienced heartbreak for the first time in my life, thus I fell into a deep, dark state of forlorn, depression, self deprecation and pity. Yes, see how open I am right now? It feels great!

After that summer, I became increasingly open about my emotions - I started to really wear my heart proudly on my sleeve. Very proudly. But I only really wrote about it. Obviously, I spoke to my closest friends about it, but I mostly wrote about it as a sense of stress release. This is when I discovered that writing is truly the best form of therapy for me. Whenever I felt hurt or heartbroken, I would write and it would relieve me of any heartbreak and disappointment. So I've been writing openly about my emotions for a while now and I've just realized that I've finally become an open book. Back at boarding school, I had wallflower tendencies, but now I wear my heart on my sleeve with pride and dignity.

A few years ago, I was very non communicative during an old relationship, which ended up affecting the quality and longevity of the relationship, but I learned a great lesson from it. If I'm in a relationship, I have to be open to communicate my feelings and just be god damn honest. I'm here to be open about my thoughts and I am very proud to be able to articulate and share my thoughts in such a shameless and fearless manner. I know I may come off a little crazy and off putting, but I just wanted to explain why there are perks to being an open book. I want to be proud of this and I think you can truly be proud of yourself when you are self assured on your own accord.

Wallflower (people)
In social situations, a wallflower is a slang term used to describe shy or unpopular individuals who do not socialize or participate in activities at social events. It is most often used to describe someone who stays close to a wall and out of the main area of social activity. The term originated from ballroom dances, where the people who did not wish to dance (or had no partner) remained close to the walls of the dance hall. The wallflower, genus Erysimum, sometimes grows on old walls.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary (2nd ed), the first known usage of the term in this sense was in an 1820 poem entitled County Ball by Winthrop Mackworth Praed. It was originally used to refer to women, and only in the context of dances; more recently the term has been expanded to include men and other social gatherings.

The book The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky is about a young boy who is a shy awkward high school freshman. In this book the term is used in a slightly different sense, but with a fairly similar meaning.

closed book
A person or thing that cannot be known or understood; something unfathomable or puzzling.

be an open book

1. if a person's life is an open book, you can discover everything about it because none of the details are kept secret Like many film stars, he wants to keep his private life private - he doesn't want it becoming an open book.
2. if someone is an open book, it is easy to know what they are thinking and feeling Sarah's an open book, so you'll know right away if she doesn't like the present you've bought her.

From wallflower to open book. 

Fancy Food Friday #1

Friday, June 8, 2012

fancy food friday: maison premiere, williamsburg Date: Friday, June 8th, 2012
Fellow Foodie: Sasha Sabapathy
Restaurant: Maison Premiere
Neighborhood: Williamsburg (right around the corner from where I live)
Cuisine: Seafood, Oyster Bar
Grand Total: $105.60 + 15% (yep you saw right - so broke)
Dollar Oysters: Monday thru Thursday 4PM to 7PM

Dear New York foodies,

You are cordially invited to my weekly Fancy Food Friday. The goal is self explanatory: every Friday I plan on eating well and eating at different restaurants. I live in New York City, a mecca of fine dining and now I'm finally taking action... finally! Good food deserves good company and I would love to experience it with different foodies with different tastes. If you're interested, let's go!

I'd like to think that my lifestyle is a mixture of high and low brow. I enjoy fast food - I'm not joking. I love McDonald's in Hong Kong; I would literally go out of my way for their chicken thigh sandwich. Yum. And at the same time, I love good food and fine dining. I have a huge appreciation for good food and in an effort to participate in life and really experience New York, I've decided to do Fancy Food Friday. I've always wanted to enjoy good food at new restaurants on a regular basis, but fine dining is a pricey endeavor in New York or anywhere. Nevertheless, I have decided that fine dining once a week is acceptable and completely necessary.

My first companion this lovely Fancy Food Friday is Miss Sasha Sabapathy. We went to Benenden (boarding school) together, but we were never really close, since we were in different boarding houses and classes. Since she moved to New York last August, we put in the effort to hang out when weren't busy and we've actually bonded and become close - which is super duper awesome! So tonight, we indulged our bellies in fancy oysters, well actually to be precise we ordered:

1 Aphillanthes rosé (for me) - yes I'm drinking now*
1 Noelle Moratin (for Sasha)
1 "La Petite Mason" Plateau - 6 oysters, lobster (the claw!), shrimp, clams
5 (additional) Sewansecott oysters, East Shore, VA
5 (additional) Blackberry Point oysters
1 Shrimp & Andouille Gumbo

The grand total was $105.60 plus 15% tip. Ouch, but we sure did fancy as fancy as gets. Pretty damn badass if you ask me. Initially, my ideal budget per Fancy Food Friday was $25 (whoa totally under budgeted and estimated), but now I've raised it to $35-40 every Friday, therefore a grand total $140-160 a month. Actually now that I really think about it, I might have to raise it to $50 a week. So yes, tonight's Fancy Food Friday was a success. The oysters were freaking delicious. It's funny, when I was younger, the thought of oysters grossed me out, but now they're such a delicious delicacy. In a perfect world, I would want to eat seafood every two weeks, to be honest.

I have a plan for Fancy Food Friday - not only will I blog about it every Friday, I want to:
- take photos of the food (that's a given)
- take a polaroid with my foodie friend(s) of the night
- instagram, tweet, tumblr, facebook the occasion

I used to love and wear earrings all the time; it was kind of my thing, having a plethora of fancy drop earrings. But I stopped wearing them since they feel so uncomfortable sometimes. Now I've decided every Fancy Food Friday, I will wear earrings. My first FFF was a huge success and I want to thank Sasha for being a part of this series and for the great conversation and company. I look forward to bonding with people over great food in this magical city of New York. Bon appetit foodies!

fancy clothes, fancy food, fancy company, fancy life.  

* = I am drinking now. I've decided I want to start drinking wine and wine only. Apparently, rosé agrees with me and I can finish an entire glass now and feel pretty good - and not sleepy or sick. Woo, so proud of myself. Wine culture has always fascinated me, so now it's going to slowly be in a new endeavor of mine. Slowly. We'll see.

fancy food friday fellow foodie: sasha fancy food friday: maison premiere check

Love Letter to the Immortal Self

Thursday, June 7, 2012

"So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger - because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being." 
― Jack Kerouac

Dear Avalonne, Dear Me, Dear Myself, Dear You,

When asked "how's your love life?", my immediate response is "non-existent?", then I get an even quicker response: "aww that sucks." Does it REALLY suck? Truthfully? NO! I love that I am single. Single and independent. Yes, single and FABULOUS! Exclamation point! (Sex and the City reference, anyone?!) - not to say that taken people aren't fabulous! If I had a pretty piece of eye candy, I'd have my arm wrapped around him forever.

I'd like to think that I pretty much have it together now - now that I'm finally out of that dark, uninspired, unmotivated, existential crisis phase. I am finally in a good place. I'm actually in a very good, creative, articulate and comfortable place. Don't worry, not too comfortable. It just makes me laugh, well chuckle, when people ask me if I'm seeing someone or how's my love life, because it almost seems like a crime if a young woman my age chooses to be single? Please note: I am the true definition of a single gal since I don't date... at all. Carrie and her cohorts shouldn't be considered as single gals, since she dated a plethora of supposedly disposable men. But I guess at a certain age, when you're not in a long term relationship (not married), you are legally considered single. 

Well, I do not in the slightest think that just because I'm single, I'm at all pathetic or... pathetic! I don't feel pathetic at all. I mean sometimes I can't help but feel the urge to question myself, because so many people around me aren't single / are dating / in a relationship / engaged / married. But I slap myself in the face and remember that I don't even want to "see" anyone. Even if he was 6 foot 3 with a gorgeous head of hair with the voice of an angel (guess who this is) or 6 foot tall, also with a gorgeous head of hair, adorable, irresistible British accent, who by day hides behind horn rimmed glasses and by night swings from building to building (this one has to be obvious) - but I'm just currently very content - happy even, to be single and just enjoying my New York adventure.

So it's true, my love life is very much non existent, but I always love to tell people that work is the love of my life. I have no desire to be in a relationship and it's not because I don't have the capacity, I would just rather immerse myself in work and build towards my career goals and ambitions. I am completely goal oriented and therefore have no desire to pursue any romantic entanglements. I don't think that a man can actually fill whatever void I may feel now or in the future. It took me a really long time to build myself up and my own confidence and self assurance, therefore, I will not allow any man to put me down, doubt me or make me feel worthless. I couldn't be happier and this isn't coming from a pathetic, jealous, single female. Please don't even think that any of these thoughts and beliefs come from a misandrist place. I don't hate men. Well, I don't hate men as a gender. But I will admit that I may dislike a certain one or two men of that gender. Promise: I'm not crazy!

But truthfully, I know (deep down) that I am a relationship person and I absolutely love being in a relationship with all the ups and downs, but the most off putting part about a relationship is being with a man who doesn't pull his weight. I absolutely refuse to be with a guy who doesn't put the same amount of effort into the relationship. I'm the type of commitment person, who isn't afraid of "spending the rest of my life with someone" as long as he feels the exact same about me or at least has the capacity to feel that way about another human being. I absolutely love relationships, but I refuse to let any man make me feel disposable and worthless. I would rather be single for a really long time and work on myself and my career. I feel absolutely empowered and in control of myself.

To conclude, I am writing this lovely love letter to myself to remind myself and other people who are feeling [fill in the blank] that there's nothing wrong with being single and/or alone. This is the greatest opportunity ever to make yourself the best possible version of yourself! Please note that I have nothing against relationships or people in relationships. I have the utmost respect for my friends and people in relationships, because being in a relationship is like having another full time job. I would be willing to invest in a relationship, if I could ever date one of the two unnamed gentlemen that I described earlier. But as of now, I'm happy and that's all I wanted to say.

Ever thine,
Ever mine,
Ever ours.

Forever Yours,
Avalonne Hall

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

Monday, June 4, 2012

This man has a point. I will promise myself that I won't be afraid to dream a little bigger and be a little more ambitious and confident. Tom Hardy, you are amazing. Almost forgot this incredibly hilarious line. Made my day. Please enjoy!

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Sunday, June 3, 2012

the perks of being a wallflower

I am so grateful to have read this incredible book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which was reintroduced to me by Marissa. Thank you! I remember that night vividly when she mentioned it in conversation. We were walking up Broadway to Union Square and she brought it up and I said I've wanted to read it for a while now. She gave me her copy for my birthday. It was perfect. It changed my life and it has inspired me so much in so many ways. Reading it was such a trip. This isn't just a high school story about any adolescent boy, this coming of age story tells an insightful, reflective and romantic journey of wallflower Charlie. Inspirational and beautifully written. Heartrending and heartfelt.

I don't want to spoil it for anyone who doesn't know about the book or hasn't read it, but it is incredible. I know that movie adaptations will never be as good as the book itself and that's fine, since they are such different mediums, but I want to have faith in the movie, since it was directed by the author Stephen Chbosky. I'm just slightly or rather seriously disappointed in the casting of Sam, because Emma Watson's attempt at an American accent is appalling. Absolutely appalling. No offense. Nevertheless, I think Logan Lerman was perfectly cast as the wallflower we all know and love as Charlie and Ezra Miller as Patrick. The trailer does seem pretty epic and I'm just excited to see such an inspiring story come to life.

September 14th, 2012. And in that moment, I swear we were (are) infinite. ∞


Saturday, June 2, 2012

HITS (formerly Jump into the Gospel), 5/11/2012, The Knitting Factory

Let me preface this by saying, this isn't obvious (but my friends are completely aware and now you will too), since I haven't posted on my blog in months, but since September 2011, I've been in love with a band called Jump into the Gospel. I mentioned this in the Tergiversate: Music Mix of 2011 post last December - I had fallen in love with some amazing music. I was going through a period of no new music and I was getting bored of my usual go to bands and songs. But out of nowhere, I discovered Jump into the Gospel and I became so inspired. One of the best things about following a band is discovering other bands. This happened when I was following We Are The Physics! I discovered so many other awesome bands because of them and I loved it. So I'm completely ecstatic about this band. As of last month, they go by a new name - HITS. I'm really excited about their new music and sound and I can't wait for their EP, which comes out on June 26th!

Check out their new single Madness here!

I just saw them tonight with my friend Sasha at Glasslands Gallery. I personally had an incredible time, since everyone was dancing like they didn't give a damn. Sometimes I just want to bust out some dance moves and really not care at all! Who cares what people think? I think it's the most liberating thing to do... and getting a haircut, tattoo and skydiving and screaming at the top of a cliff or mountain or any high altitude. Sometimes I wish my life was a musical and I could bust into a song and dance number and it would be completely normal and appropriate for the situation. Once in a while, I'd indulge in a little Disney soundtracks and I'd want to sing Belle or I Just Can't Wait To Be King on the street! Why isn't this normal?! Why can't life be a musical? And then we'd learn a great lesson at the end and we'd all sing an epic final song! Applause!

I was in San Francisco last week to visit my friends for their graduation. I was introduced to a few bands or rather I was reacquainted with some bands and now I'm listening to some awesome songs. Summer 2012 Music Mix, anyone? I'm a little bummed, because at the end of last year, I had every intention of creating a monthly music mix, but obviously I got lazy and/or distracted. But I need to be more proactive and I need this creative outlet for myself on a regular basis, I need to get back into the flow of things. In 2010 for a period, I blogged every single day and had new material daily... It was a pretty obsessive, addictive, almost religious time period when I wanted to write every single day, because it fed my creative appetite. I'm feeling the same inspirational liberation and creativity... I can't wait for Summer 2012 to be incredibly creative and intellectually stimulating. I'm so ready! I feel the words flowing through my mind and I feel so excited!

I really hope this is the year... I don't want to put too much pressure on myself, but I feel like I could make 2012 the most amazing year ever... in terms of my career and self growth and education. During the months of January, February and March, I was going through some self inflicted existential crisis - completely unjustified and completely inexplicable. It just hit me out of nowhere. I felt so uninspired, distracted, absentminded... but it's gone and I couldn't be more thankful! So here's to being alive and loving and accepting yourself for who you are. I may not be conventional in some senses, I'm a such a dork, but I completely love who I am and I feel so lucky to be here, in New York, living my dream, feeling inspired... ecstatic... exhilarated... ready!

I'm going to do a Summer 2012 Music Mix! Few favorite songs: Veins by HITS (New EP), Lights Out, Words Gone by Bombay Bicycle Club, Three Trees by Tanlines, Breathe by Télépopmusik, Feel It All Around by Washed Out, Uh by Fujiya and Miyagi. More to come! Stay tuned!