Dear Avalonne

Dear Avalonne,

This time last year you were dealing with the worst nightmare of your life. [Fill in the blank] was one of the most challenging experiences of your life. It was so technically challenging; it completely drained you of your will to live. Now a year has gone by and you’re in a completely different place in your life. You’re stress and anxiety free at work, you’re finding joy and excitement in your personal life. You know what it’s like to feel bliss. You feel light, calm and zen. You’re slowly achieving balance. You need to really implement mindfulness into your daily life. You really should try to meditate on a daily basis.

Now you’re not going to look back and dwell on the past. You experienced life and you will continue to experience life, but in a different direction. You needed to experience those challenges and hardships to know that you’re strong, resilient and independent. Yes, you may have suffered for a long time in silence, but you toughed it out. You spoke up when you needed to and although, it never resulted in anything positive, you always had the courage - the courage to have a voice. You always tried to stand up for yourself. You never allowed yourself to be a victim, but you were exploited, because you were a hard worker. Maybe they didn’t mean to exploit you, but you need to put yourself first. Don’t ever compromise your physical or mental health.

You made a very big decision for yourself in October. So much changed in an instant and you really grew up in that period of time. Not only in your work life, but also in your personal life. That really is called growth and personal development.

You have already implemented a workout routine and increased the frequency since you got back into it. Before you only went to barre once a week and now you’re averaging 3-4 times a week. That’s a huge achievement. You might actually go back to cycling. Maybe even go swimming and yoga. Your diet is still a little messed up, but at least you’re not eating unhealthily, it’s just not a regulated diet. That is something to figure out for the long term, also for financial reasons. You’re going to your first candle making class tomorrow. You signed up for a perfume workshop. You’ll attend a one day intensive writing class in May. You should sign up for a glassblowing class as well. You’re learning new skills! That is so important! You also need to learn about cross stitching and screen-printing. So many things to learn.

Despite the some negativity in your life, you do have some genuinely incredible, kind and amazing people in your life to get you through it. The universe provided and you made those friendships happen and last. Any relationship takes a lot of energy, effort and investment to develop and maintain. You are very lucky to have those people in my life. It would be impossible to imagine life without those people, because they’re always there for you and they have shaped who you are. Life would be heartbreakingly meaningless if they weren’t a part of it. Cherish those people forever. People come and go. The special ones will stick around, because they care about you equally. They just want you to be happy, healthy and safe. The rest of the people you meet may make a small impact on your life, but probably will be insignificant big picture wise. So don’t worry or stress over that.

For now, just concentrate on the now. Now is in your power. You have the power. You are ready.

With Love,
Avalonne

Hard Times

Hayley gets it. After 12 years, I'm still listening to Paramore.

Life = hard times. But have fun while you're trying to figure it out! <3

I'm Good

Enough said. I'm good.

Bloom

I feel like I'm floating on a cloud... Take me away.

Year of the Dog

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." ― Seneca

恭喜發財
吉祥如意
心想事成
大吉大利
身体健康
龍馬精神

It's Chinese New Year, which is always a reminder that with new beginnings come new opportunities. I find myself reminding myself and then I completely forget and fall into old patterns. This is why I try to write as a form of therapy, to express myself, to vocalize my thoughts and remind me of things that are meaningful to me. Self motivate, self improve, self love. May this year bring you happiness, health, prosperity and lots of cute puppies!

Note to self: need to finally figure out how the Chinese calendar works. Maybe someday I will. It's so complicated.

A Waltz for a Night

Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts
Let me sing you a waltz
About this one night stand

You were for me that night
Everything I always dreamt of in life
But now you're gone
You are far gone

All the way to your island of rain
It was for you just a one night thing
But you were much more to me
Just so you know

I don't care what they say
I know what you meant for me that day
I just wanted another try
I just wanted another night

Even if it doesn't seem quite right
You meant for me much more
Than anyone I've met before
One single night with you little Jesse
Is worth a thousand with anybody
I have no bitterness, my sweet
I'll never forget this one night thing
Even tomorrow, in other arms
My heart will stay yours until I die

Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere, out of my blues
Let me sing you a waltz
About this lovely one night stand

I'll never feel lonely, knowing there is hope out there. Hope is a powerful thing. I have hope to keep me company tonight.

But in other news, today is a heartbreaking day. My heart goes out to the victims of the tragedy in Parkland, Florida.

Impromptu

Really looking forward to Season 4 of Mozart in the Jungle. I somehow got so distracted last year, I didn't fully watch Season 3 and now I'll have to start from the beginning of Season 3. Last year was particularly weird and off for me (but to be honest, which year hasn't had its trying months), I managed to lose sight of this incredible show. I miss the story, the characters, the spirit of the show and the incredible music and creativity. No matter how lost, numb or empty I may feel at times, I'm always open and grateful to discover anything new. That is really the most inspiring thing about being alive.

Yesterday, I attended the Season Four Release Party at National Sawdust (thanks to Facebook events). I've now learned about musicians, singers, composers involved in the show and I'm looking forward to discovering more of their work.

Performers will include composers Caroline Shaw (a character in Season Four) and Missy Mazzoli, as well as an ensemble of musicians. Cellist Jeffrey Zeigler will perform excerpts from Paola Prestini’s “Listen, Quiet,” and Metropolitan Opera star Susanna Phillips will sing Nico Muhly’s haunting Amy Fisher Aria, “performed” last season by Monica Bellucci (“La Fiamma”) and Gael Garcia Bernal (Maestro Rodrigo de Souza) on Piazza San Marco in Venice.

I need to feel the hustle and this show embodies that to me. Getting back into it!

Alone in Kyoto

Feels like an old memory...
My own memory?
Or someone else's?
All I know is that this gives me the feels...
the feeling of wandering aimlessly.
Drifting alone...
in search of something...
Feeling the
pitter
patter
of the rain.
Is it a memory
or a dream?
Lost in my mind
Lost in reality
Lost in this world...
In search of a compass
to guide me
to a place of safety and security
I see it over there
Is it within my reach?
Better hurry
Time is running out
It's fading
Don't let it fade away...

Love My Way

There's an army on the dance floor
It's a fashion with a gun, my love
In a room without a door
A kiss is not enough in

Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes, they'd put us on a railroad
They'd dearly make us pay for laughing in their faces and making it our way
There's emptiness behind their eyes, there's dust in all their hearts
They just want to steal us all and take us all apart, but not in

This scene will live in our hearts for eternity. <3