I Feel It Coming

This song means more than you'll ever know... it changed my life. Or rather it defines this certain period of my time.

(Unfortunately) it will forever be associated with 2 somewhat emotionally and mentally traumatizing things that happened to me last summer/fall, but no matter what, I am grateful. I am grateful for my life experiences. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to go through my own trials and tribulations, because that is what life is about. I can look back on it now and think of those memories fondly and it has only been half a year. I wonder how I'll feel another 6 months from now or 5 years or 10 years from now. Time is so funny and this song makes me feel like... something is on the horizon. Something is coming... It's just a matter of time. I'll never be ready, but I also feel extremely ready.

I feel it coming, babe.

Feels

This song absolutely defines my summer of 2017. Summer anthem! I don't particularly care for Katy Perry, but this song is so fun. I love the backstory behind the song and lyrics. The music industry is so confusing, but I still appreciate it when I find a song I like and listen to on repeat. I don't love discovering new music anymore; I tend to go back and listen to old songs or classical music, etc. I guess this year I started listening to more popular songs. I wonder what that means. Regardless, this song makes me think of my summer trip in London and Lisbon.

Summer 2017... almost feels like a lifetime ago.

Hey!
Not nothing ever last forever, no
One minute you're here and the next you're gone
So I respect you, wanna take it slow
I need a mental receipt to know this moment I owe

Do you mind if I steal a kiss? (Chop, chop)
A little souvenir, can I steal it from you?
To memorize the way you shock me
The way you move it here (Hey)
Just wanna feel it from you (Hey)

Don't be afraid to catch feels
Ride drop top and chase thrills (Hey)
I know you ain't afraid to pop pills (Hey)
Baby, I know you ain't scared to catch feels
Feels with me

I'm your window shopper, sucker for your love, oh
I'm wearing your goggles, virtual reality
It ain't what it cost you, it might be a dollar
As long as it shocks you, memory, electricity

Do you mind if I steal a kiss? (Chop, chop)
A little souvenir, can I steal it from you? (Oh, yeah)
To memorize the way you shock me (Yeah)
The way you move it here (Hey)
Just wanna feel it from you (Hey)

Don't be afraid to catch feels (Ha)
Ride drop top and chase thrills (Oh-oh-oh, oh)
I know you ain't afraid to pop pills (Hey)
Baby, I know you ain't scared to catch feels (Straight up)
Feels with me (Woah)

Goddamn, I know you love to make an entrance
Do you like getting paid or getting paid attention?
You mixed the wrong guys with the right intentions
In the same bed, but it still feel long distance
You're looking for a little more consistency
But when you stop looking you gon' find what's meant to be
And honestly, I'm way too done with the hoes
I cut off all my exes for your x and o's
I feel my old flings was just preparing me
When I say I want you, say it back, parakeet
Fly in first-class through the air, Airbnb
I'm the best you had, you just be comparing me to me
I'mma 'at' this at you, if I put you on my phone
And upload it, it'll get maximum views
I came in through in the clutch with the lipsticks and phones
Wear your fave cologne just to get you alone

Don't be afraid to catch feels
Don't be afraid to catch these feels
Ride drop top and chase thrills (Yeah)
I know you ain't afraid to pop pills (I know)
Baby, I know you ain't scared to catch feels
Feels with me

Don't be afraid to catch feels (No, no)
Don't be afraid, baby (Don't be afraid)
Ride drop top and chase thrills (Woah, okay)
I know you ain't afraid to pop pills
I know, I know, I know, I know
Baby, I know you ain't scared to catch feels
Feels with me

That's What I Like

This song defines my spring and summer of 2017. I never thought I'd love a Bruno Mars song this much. This music video makes me smile. I just want lobster tails now.

Hey, hey, hey
I got a condo in Manhattan
Baby girl, what's hatnin'?
You and your ass invited
So gon' and get to clappin'
Go pop it for a player, pop-pop it for me
Turn around and drop it for a player, drop-drop it for me
I'll rent a beach house in Miami
Wake up with no jammies (nope)
Lobster tail for dinner
Julio, serve that scampi
You got it if you want it, got, got it if you want it
Said you got it if you want it, take my wallet if you want it, now

Jump in the Cadillac
(Girl, let's put some miles on it)
Anything you want
(Just to put a smile on you)
You deserve it baby, you deserve it all
And I'm gonna give it to you

Cool jewelry shining so bright
Strawberry champagne on ice
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like
Sex by the fire at night
Silk sheets and diamonds all white
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like

I'm talkin' trips to Puerto Rico
Say the word and we go
You can be my fleeka
Girl, I'll be a fleeko, mamacita
I will never make a promise that I can't keep
I promise that your smile ain't gon' never leave
Shopping sprees in Paris
Everything twenty-four karats
Take a look in that mirror (take a look)
Now tell me who's the fairest
Is it you? (is it you?) is it me? (is it me?)
Say it's us (say it's us) and I'll agree, baby

Jump in the Cadillac
(Girl, let's put some miles on it)
Anything you want
(Just to put a smile on you)
You deserve it baby, you deserve it all
And I'm gonna give it to you

Cool jewelry shining so bright
Strawberry champagne on ice
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like
Sex by the fire at night
Silk sheets and diamonds all white
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like

You say you want a good time
Well here I am, baby, here I am, baby
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me
Talk to me, tell me what's on your mind
What's on your mind
If you want it, girl, come and get it
All this is here for you
Tell me baby, tell me, tell me baby
What you tryna do

Cool jewelry shining so bright
Strawberry champagne on ice
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like (that's what I like)
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like
Sex by the fire at night
Silk sheets and diamonds all white
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like (that's what I like)
Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like

Your Name

As I'm writing this, I should clarify that it's actually Thursday, February 15th, 2018 today, but since I watched Your Name on Saturday, April 8th, 2017 at AMC Loews Kips Bays 15, I will be posting it as that date. I have a funny obsession with dates and time. I would go back and research to know when I did something, when I experienced something, when I discovered something. To me, these dates are meaningful to me. I want to remember specific details to make these memories more concrete. This is why I keep movie stubs. I keep a pretty thorough calendar. I would look at my YouTube/MoviePass/Seamless history and timestamps, just to go back in time to remember specific events in my life. That is exactly what Your Name captures...

When I first watched Your Name, I was not in a great place in my life. I was going through a very tough time by myself and I kept it mostly to myself. I didn't know how to talk to anyone about it, but I pushed myself through it. When you live alone (because none of your best friends are here) in a big city like New York, it feels very isolating. You fall into these habits and you can easily bury yourself in that state. I definitely fell really hard into this headspace and was stuck there for an extended period of time. So when I watched this film, I wasn't completely connecting to the story, but I felt the emotions through the beautiful visuals and music. The story covers a few too many themes, but overall, it tells a story of yearning. I think in life it's important to want something... it can be small or big, but wanting something gives us some purpose.

After watching it a second time in December, I felt more in tune with the emotions and the characters. It also brought me back to what I was going through in April. I remember that evening quite vividly. I remember where I had dinner beforehand. I remember that walk from Soba Totto to the movie theater. I remember texting my friend that I was going to see it. I hadn't texted this friend in a while, since I was going through something and he was going through something. But it connected us again. Also I remember I almost had to work that evening, but my boss went into work instead. I had worked so many weekends already, it was nice to just have an evening to myself and watch a film. How did I feel after the film? I felt... like the film captured so much magic, but it also made me question why there seems to be such a lack of magic in real life.

Listening to Radwimp's soundtrack, I feel like I'm frozen in time. If I'm perpetually stuck in a certain time, how would I want to be feeling? Ultimately, I just want to feel connected to something. Over the course of the last few years, I keep falling into a pattern. I feel numb, empty and disconnected. Everything seems fleeting. Nothing is concrete. Nothing is tangible, except the loneliness feels so palpable. This is why I watch films to feel connected to something. I'm yearning for security and stability and somehow I haven't been able to find what I'm looking for. It's a constant struggle and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. But I need to remind myself to take it day by day.

These thoughts are really scattered... It's like the needle in my internal compass is going haywire. Maybe certain things come into our lives when we're feeling most lost. If they manage to make an impact when you're feeling the lowest, maybe I wasn't that numb after all. I'm learning to come to terms with that... I need to learn to help myself understand.

The Crown

This trailer still gives me the chills. So incredibly well acted, written, directed, executed. Such a thrill to see such a beautiful and melancholy portrayal of the Royal family. Can't wait to watch season 2.

God Save the Queen!

God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen:
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the Queen.
O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies,
And make them fall:
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix:
God save us all.
Thy choicest gifts in store,
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign:
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen.