Somebody That I Used To Know

For the longest time I didn't understand why this song was so popular. I kept hearing about this new song called Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye. What was the big deal? Then I finally listened to it and I still didn't know what the big deal was? I added that album to my Spotify and then I started to listen to the album, or at least the first few songs. But today, all of a sudden for no reason, I decided to play the song and then I was really listening to the lyrics and finally realized what the song was about! Where the hell was I? I never really thought twice about the title and I never tried to listen to the lyrics... And now I know. Now I know.

This song is beautiful and hauntingly honest. Fortunately for me, I have made the conscious decision to not deal with this or rather not invite another opportunity into my life, just to feel this exact way again. I don't want to know someday I used to know. I think this song was able to address something that we all think about past relationships and it was presented in such a beautiful song and music video. Strangely enough, this was an issue I attempted to address in my first draft of Shyness. I tried to discuss it via one of my characters, I didn't express it successfully or eloquently, so I'll just have to wait - it will have to wait. But for now, I'll just have to play this song on repeat. Thank you.

Gotye stated that the song was "definitely drawn from various experiences I've had in relationships breaking up, and in the parts of the more reflective parts of the song, in the aftermath and the memory of those different relationships and what they were and how they broke up and what's going on in everyone's minds. Yeah, so it's an amalgam of different feelings but not completely made up as such".^[12] In an interview with Rolling Stone (Australia), he described the song as "a curated reflection of multiple past relationships", but revealed the chorus was directly related to one ex-girlfriend "it wasn't a nasty break-up, but it was messy in the sense that we hurt each other more than we needed to because it wasn't a clean break ... We both realized we had to move on and we haven't seen each other since".^[13]

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness  
Like resignation to the end, always the end 
So when we found that we could not make sense  
Well you said that we would still be friends  
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing 
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know 

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

Goran Ivanisevic

(This is long overdue, my apologies, boys!)

I've been in love with this amazing band called We Are The Physics since April 2007. Admittedly, I only discovered this band via 30 Seconds To Mars. And whilst my love for 30 Seconds To Mars faded rapidly, my obsession with We Are The Physics grew and blossomed into a frenzy, a crazy, music stalking phase. It was short-lived, due to my relocating to San Francisco in August 2007. After five years, I'm still in love with their music and aesthetic and I'm still waiting eagerly for the day they tour in the U.S.

The funny thing is I never understood or enjoyed Physics in school, because it was too abstract and theoretical for my underachiever mind back then. And now? Well, I'm incredibly fascinating by physics: theoretical, experimental, cosmological, expanding to philosophical, etc. I'm currently reading A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawkings, I love The Big Bang Theory, I want to get a tattoo inspired by the paradoxical theory of Schrödinger's cat.

Not only are they (Michael! Michael! Michael! Chris!) super talented and amazing performers, they are incredibly funny and down-to-earth and friendly! I can't wait till the day I see them again! But for now, I'll watch this music video on repeat. Enjoy!

Everything is really falling into place. I love physics! And I love tennis! I love We Are The Physics!

Website / Facebook / SoundCloud / Twitter

I try, I fail
I fail, I try
To fail is art
To art is fail
I try, I fail

The past speaks volumes, volumes that we’ll never read
It’s safe, safe to say, safe to say we’ll never breed
Self-belief is not something we like to feed
We like to feed, yeah, we like defeat

The past, well, it says less to us
Less than vacuous tongues that lap, lapping safely
Pressing faded marks into global crotches, yeah, global crotches
This transitory stain that disappears again

Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like him
Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like
Goran Ivanisevic

They try to shape you, twist and contort you
Skeleton keys are much more reliable
Chip, chip away at you, chip, chip away at you
They try to shape you, twist and contort you
Skeleton keys are much more reliable
Chip, chip away at you, chip chip chip away at you
You’re growing tits like Alan Turing

Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like him
Wasting hours of my time doing star jumps in the gym
All to have, all to have a body like
Goran Ivanisevic

He tried, he failed
He failed, he tried

Goran Ivanisevic, it’s time, I think, to make that switch
No masquerade in self-belief, Goran Ivanisevic
Goran Ivansisevic, you tried and failed, iconoclastic!
No masquerade for self-belief, Goran Ivanisevic

Delusion Angel

daydream delusion

limousine eyelash

oh baby with your pretty face

drop a tear in my wineglass

look at those big eyes on your face

see what you mean to me

sweet cakes and milk shakes

I'm a delusion angel

I'm a fantasy parade

I want you to know what I think

don't want you to guess anymore

you have no idea where I came from

we have no idea where we're going

lodged in life like branches in a river

flowing downstream

caught in the current

I'll carry you you carry me

that's how it could be

don't you know me

don't you know me by now

Delusion Angel, written for the film by the poet David Jewell

photo credit: nina leigh

Nazca Lines

A few weeks ago, I started a new Tumblr blog called Creativist Manifesto, which will be dedicated to sharing my thoughts and opinions on art history (one of my favorite conversation subjects). I took my first liberal arts art history class in Fall 2008 and after my first day... I was hooked. Completely, utterly, hopelessly in love with art and art history. Now I feel the need to openly discuss and remind myself about art and history.

Please note: I am not trying to impose my point of view on anyone. I love art as a subject, but I wouldn't consider myself an art historian, just an enthusiast. All my opinions and knowledge are from class, going to museums and reading art books.

I had every intention of writing about my new favorite Matisse painting The Pink Studio, but I just had a very intense and fascinating conversation with my friend Mary from my boarding school days. We were talking about Norse and Greek mythologies, art history, English and Russian literature and other fascinating subjects and then I started talking about Earth Art and then it led me to tell her about the Nazca Lines in Peru. I suddenly felt the urge to talk about the Nazca Lines and somewhat defend the wondrous glory and mystery of this magnificently large scale earth art. And simultaneously defending the majestic Stonehenge (more on that later).

I never thought that I would be interested in Earth Art, since it’s not a traditional form of art. Since earth art didn’t have a commercial intention, I somewhat felt lost behind the concept behind earth art - until I studied it in my Topics in World Art class in Spring of 2010. After that class, I realized that earth art was a rebellion against the artificiality, plastic aesthetic and commercialization of art. Since earth art cannot be presented in a museum or gallery environment, one has to go into the land and experience the art harmoniously in a new environment. This also ties into the ephemeral aspect of earth art - life is fleeting - art is temporary - life is temporary.

I finally realized how much I appreciated earth art after this class. Certain works really impressed and intrigued me, most notably: Spiral Jetty in Utah, Nazca Lines in Peru, Vietnam Veterans Memorial by Maya Lin in Washington D.C., etc. I want to learn more and expand my knowledge on this subject, since it seems like a much more obscure art movement.

I personally feel the need to defend and glorify Stonehenge and its mysterious grandeur! I can see why some people view it as “a pile of stones”, but it frustrates me since some people don’t realize each pillar weighs like 20 tons. Some modern technology would have difficulty lifting that kind of weight! How did ancient man lift and carry those stones from 16 miles west of Wiltshire. This landmark was assembled in the Neolithic Period. Archaeologists believe this monument was constructed anywhere from 3000 to 2000 B.C. Please explain to me how an ancient man, who probably didn’t eat copiously and weighed 120 pounds, would be able to carry these stones. And even if they had invented and constructed contraptions to transport the stones - how would they lift them?

The Stonehenge bewilders me and now this post has become about the Stonehenge! I wanted to discuss the glory of the Nazca Lines in Southern Peru. These large scale earth works predate back to 400 to 650 AD, but they were only discovered in 1927 by Peruvian archaeologist Toribio Mejia Xesspe. If we didn’t have the modern technology till the late 1920s to discover the Nazca Lines - how were these Nazca Lines created in the first place? How were they designed for such a large scale and then created without people discovering it for hundreds of years later? It frightens me a little. These monumentally larger than life earth works create this feeling of wonderment and it makes me feel so small and insignificant - the same way I feel every time I see a photo of a nebula or any space photography.

We are so small and almost insignificant compared to the vastness of the universe. The universe is constantly expanding and our lifetime is so short and fleeting. Life will soon be over and this tumblr will become non existent. These words will become pointless and meaningless, but I will try my best nevertheless. Which reminds me, I’ve been reading A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. It is utterly enjoyable and educational with a very insightful and readable history and science behind the origins of the universe and how we’re here. I think I’m getting closer and closer to finding my purpose in life and really enjoying every moment of life, including the bad and the ugly. I love the good and I embrace the very good, but sometimes life needs the bad and the ugly or else we don’t know how to appreciate the good.

Let me finish this discussion with my all-time favorite monologue from American Beauty by Lester Burnham, Kevin Spacey’s character, for which he won his first Academy Award for Best Leading Actor.

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time… For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars… And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street… Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper… And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird… And Janie… And Janie… And… Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.

We have one chance to live. Let’s learn about our world and the great minds that have contributed to making the world a beautiful place.

More on Nazca Lines.

Compromising Me

I know you’re gonna say I’m not cool enough.
Tell all your friends I screwed it up.
I could give two shits, just let me breathe.

I don’t care what you’re saying about me,
No, I don’t care.
I don’t care what you think about me,
No, I don’t care.
I can’t let you be this constant
Compromising me.

This is how I feel as: a human being, a friend, a lover, a daughter, a co-worker, a filmmaker, a writer... a woman. A woman is a woman. I shouldn't have to compromise myself. I am who I am. I love myself. I respect myself. Thank you William Beckett for reminding me.