Mistakes, Missteps, Mishaps = Life

Friday, November 10, 2017

"What did you make today?" Mistakes.

I realized that I've been way too hard on myself for all these years. I realized that I will make mistakes in life, because I am human. We all make mistakes. I have always made myself feel like shit for making mistakes, like there is no excuse for it. It would ruin my day completely, but now I've come to the conclusion that making mistakes is a good thing. It teaches us to fix them and/or never to repeat them. I am referring to mistakes that don't involve crime, violence, murder, manslaughter, etc.

As a "normal" member of society (excluding zero remorse murderers, criminals, abusers, etc.), we make mistakes in life: at our job, with friends, with family, with lovers, but hopefully nothing in life is irrevocable. We should always strive to do the right thing. I know I've made some mistakes and I wish I could apologize for them and rectify them, but sometimes time heals things and maybe an apology is not necessary anymore. I would hope my true friends will forgive me for any mistakes or pain I may have caused (by accident, never intentionally).

Some bonds are stronger than pain, anguish, sadness, misery, but some bonds may need to be severed. The last few months have taught me to distinguish between the two. Some bonds will last a lifetime and those are the bonds I will cherish forever. This year was the most challenging year of my life. I didn't imagine that it would be more challenging than 2016. This year saw the biggest dip I've ever had in my life. Imagine the financial crash of 1987 or 2007-2008, but it was an emotional crash. I saw some dark times and had to deal with them with little to no help at all. It was a rough period, but I managed to get myself out of it.

Every time I get myself out of it, it almost seems like a miracle. But the crashes have been getting harder and the down period lasts so much longer. It's an inner turmoil, as well as what's happening externally. What was happening in my career or job, what was/is happening in the world and this country. I had to turn away from social media to escape the constant barrage of information. All this "fake news" business; it was just sensory overload. No wonder I crashed. As an ENFJ, I need time to recharge my energy, because I had completely drained it to negative 75%. It took months and months to recharge and feel like a partial human again.

It was a terribly lonely time, but I made it through. I guess the older we get, the harder it gets and once you get a grip, it may become easier in certain aspects. But on the flip side, we may start to feel it in our bodies. Getting aches in places and our brain functionality may start to slow down, etc. That's another stress that weighs heavily on my mind. I've managed to convince myself that I'm not afraid of getting older, but that's a lie. Not only am I afraid of death, I'm afraid of the aging process. I'm afraid of failing organs and failing memory. One day, my life could become a blur. Watch Still Alice and you will feel the pain that (early-onset) Alzheimer's causes.

I'm obsessing now. It's never too late to get healthy: to eat well, drink more water, sleep a healthy 7-8 hours, exercise (that is key), stretch and get active, take supplements, meditate and just enjoy life. I may be a bit of a hypochondriac, but I'm also someone who loves life and will dare to jump and fall face flat. Because life is too short and if I never do anything risky, I may never know the feeling of success and reward. I'm always willing to take a leap of faith and I'm ready. I'm ready for you, universe. Life is complicated, but we can't be too upset when we make mistakes.

Own them and be proud of them,
They shape who we are. 
If you think about it, we're all here by accident. 
What a beautiful and poetic way to view life. 
What did you make today?